Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Yesterday I listened to President Bush give a press conference. I am quite
vocal about not liking this guy, but every time I hear him, he exceeds my expecations
in regards to how goddamn stupid he is. A few highlights/lowlights:

A reporter asked Bush about appearing before a huge banner in May saying "Mission
Accomplished" when there have been more deaths an injuries after the end
of "major combat" than before. Bush's answer:

The "Mission Accomplished" sign, of course, was put up by the members
of the USS Abraham Lincoln saying that their mission was accomplished. I know
it was attributed somehow to some ingenious advance man from staff.
(pause) They weren't that ingenious, by the way.

His sentence regarding his ingenious staff was meant to be sarcastic. Then,
just like the guy at the party who overexplains his joke, Bush has to stop and
spell it out. No, Georgey, not everybody is as dumb as you.

Now, let's coin a new word:

And that's exactly what's taking place on a regular basis inside of Iraq.
The strategy remains the same. The tactics to respond to, you know, more suiciders
driving cars, will alter on the ground.

Yes, "Suicider". New from Mike's Hard Cider, the hardest cider of
all: The SuiCider. Mmmmm...

Also, I should point out, no matter what definition you assign to the word
"suicider" that sentence still doesn't make a lick of sense.

Yes, well, not every action requires military action. As you notice, for
example, in North Korea, we've chosen to put together a multinational strategy
to deal with Mr. Kim Jong Il. Not every action requires military action.

So when we know they have weapons of mass destruction, don't attack. When we
know they don't, make up some evidence, and then attack. Makes sense to me.

I just want to remind you that the Saddam Hussein military action took place
after enumerable United Security Council resolutions were passed. Not one,
two or three, but... a lot.

He's still working on counting. He's up to three, but past that, it's just...
"a lot." Past a hundred, I think he goes with "a wicked lot".
Sometimes I think Rain Man would have been a better President. At least that
guy can count.

Regarding Condi Rice, Bush invents another new word:

I value her judgment and her intelligence -- but her job is also to deal
inter-agency and to help unstick things that may get stuck. That's the best
way to put it. She's an unsticker...

... and -- is she listening? OK, well, she's doing a fine job.

An unsticker. I think that's going on her resume. Job Title: Unsticker. Duties:
Unsticking Stuff. Good thing Bush is fucking up so much, she's got a lot of
work to do.

BUSH: Let's see: Mark Smith, a radio man.

QUESTION: Thank you very much, sir, for including radio folks here.

BUSH: Face for radio.


QUESTION: I wish I could say that was the first time you told me that, sir.


BUSH: First time I did it to a national audience, though.

QUESTION: Actually my wife the last time.

You get the feeling Bush is like that bawdy uncle who only has one dirty joke
and he says it every time he gets drunk. Mark Smith sounded fed up as hell with
the "Face For Radio" line. I think perhaps a comeback involving "Soul
Bound For Hell" is appropriate.

Well, I think the American people are patient during election year, because they tend to be able to differentiate between, you know, politics and reality.
And as a matter of fact, the American people are -- the electors are a heck
of a lot smarter than most politicians.

There you have it. Our president admitting that he's isn't as smart as you.
And now he's leading us all into an 87 Billion Dollar Quagmire.

God Bless America!


PS - He also called one reporter "Slim". I don't want any President
using nicknames that sound like they're straight out of 50s Westerns. Except
for perhaps, Cokie, when refering to Cokie Roberts. That's just unavoidable.

posted by opus  at 1:05 PM


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