Saturday, November 01, 2003

Is it really wrong of me to really want the MicroTouch Trimmer?

posted by opus  at 2:36 PM

Friday, October 31, 2003

Strange Actual Headline Of The Day:

CNN.com - Rumsfeld unsure of missing 'mojo' - Oct. 31, 2003

I'm pretty sure it's hiding with the Weapons of Mass Destruction.

posted by opus  at 2:29 PM

Album Covers Rendered in Lego

posted by opus  at 1:23 PM

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Yesterday I listened to President Bush give a press conference. I am quite
vocal about not liking this guy, but every time I hear him, he exceeds my expecations
in regards to how goddamn stupid he is. A few highlights/lowlights:

A reporter asked Bush about appearing before a huge banner in May saying "Mission
Accomplished" when there have been more deaths an injuries after the end
of "major combat" than before. Bush's answer:

The "Mission Accomplished" sign, of course, was put up by the members
of the USS Abraham Lincoln saying that their mission was accomplished. I know
it was attributed somehow to some ingenious advance man from staff.
(pause) They weren't that ingenious, by the way.

His sentence regarding his ingenious staff was meant to be sarcastic. Then,
just like the guy at the party who overexplains his joke, Bush has to stop and
spell it out. No, Georgey, not everybody is as dumb as you.

Now, let's coin a new word:

And that's exactly what's taking place on a regular basis inside of Iraq.
The strategy remains the same. The tactics to respond to, you know, more suiciders
driving cars, will alter on the ground.

Yes, "Suicider". New from Mike's Hard Cider, the hardest cider of
all: The SuiCider. Mmmmm...

Also, I should point out, no matter what definition you assign to the word
"suicider" that sentence still doesn't make a lick of sense.

Yes, well, not every action requires military action. As you notice, for
example, in North Korea, we've chosen to put together a multinational strategy
to deal with Mr. Kim Jong Il. Not every action requires military action.

So when we know they have weapons of mass destruction, don't attack. When we
know they don't, make up some evidence, and then attack. Makes sense to me.

I just want to remind you that the Saddam Hussein military action took place
after enumerable United Security Council resolutions were passed. Not one,
two or three, but... a lot.

He's still working on counting. He's up to three, but past that, it's just...
"a lot." Past a hundred, I think he goes with "a wicked lot".
Sometimes I think Rain Man would have been a better President. At least that
guy can count.

Regarding Condi Rice, Bush invents another new word:

I value her judgment and her intelligence -- but her job is also to deal
inter-agency and to help unstick things that may get stuck. That's the best
way to put it. She's an unsticker...

... and -- is she listening? OK, well, she's doing a fine job.

An unsticker. I think that's going on her resume. Job Title: Unsticker. Duties:
Unsticking Stuff. Good thing Bush is fucking up so much, she's got a lot of
work to do.

BUSH: Let's see: Mark Smith, a radio man.

QUESTION: Thank you very much, sir, for including radio folks here.

BUSH: Face for radio.

(LAUGHTER)

QUESTION: I wish I could say that was the first time you told me that, sir.

(LAUGHTER)

BUSH: First time I did it to a national audience, though.

QUESTION: Actually my wife the last time.

You get the feeling Bush is like that bawdy uncle who only has one dirty joke
and he says it every time he gets drunk. Mark Smith sounded fed up as hell with
the "Face For Radio" line. I think perhaps a comeback involving "Soul
Bound For Hell" is appropriate.

Well, I think the American people are patient during election year, because they tend to be able to differentiate between, you know, politics and reality.
And as a matter of fact, the American people are -- the electors are a heck
of a lot smarter than most politicians.

There you have it. Our president admitting that he's isn't as smart as you.
And now he's leading us all into an 87 Billion Dollar Quagmire.

God Bless America!

--Opus

PS - He also called one reporter "Slim". I don't want any President
using nicknames that sound like they're straight out of 50s Westerns. Except
for perhaps, Cokie, when refering to Cokie Roberts. That's just unavoidable.

posted by opus  at 1:05 PM

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Yahoo! News - 'Price Is Right' Announcer Rod Roddy Dies

Rod Roddy has passed away. This makes me particularly sad because, however briefly, I knew the man.

When I was working at Kilborn, my job was to answer phones, but I appeared in the occasional on-air sketch as well. Once, I answered a phone and it was Rod Roddy, the unmistakable announcer from The Price Is Right. What's more, he watched Kilborn a lot, and knew who I was, and engaged me in a 5 minute conversation.

Rod Roddy is probably remembered to my generation as the guy you saw on television on those rare days you got to stay home sick from school. He only appeared on those most cherished of days, cuddled in a blanket on the couch with saltines and water. He probably comforted more sick children than Mother Theresa.

So to be talking to him on the phone was a mind-blowing experience. Later, we appeared in a sketch together. I got to try on his sparkly jacket and he shouted "Come On Down!". Even after I was done appearing on air, Rod would often come and visit me, hanging out in the Green Room of Kilborn and talking about things. And I still got that odd mix of awe and comfort whenever he came around.

Rod knew, above all else, that in many people's eyes he was a one-note character, a bit of a punchline. He knew how his paycheck got signed. But he was also a genuinely sweet guy, who was willing to while away a half hour with a starry-eyed kid who remembers watching Rod Roddy on the TV so long ago. He will be missed.

--opus

posted by opus  at 9:29 AM

Monday, October 27, 2003

If you have a kid, and it's a hemaphrodite, I bet it's annoying when people say "Is that your son or your daughter?". Which is why I've invented a new word: Hemaphrokid. Feel free to pepper your everyday conversations with it.

--opus

posted by opus  at 3:32 PM

Scary Link Of The Day: Cost of War

posted by opus  at 8:03 AM

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