Boba A Go Go

Have you been swept up by the Boba wave yet? If you're one of the millions of non-asian Americans who haven't tried this japanese treat yet, I say to you: Try it! Never again will the experience of sucking a plegm-like substance through a straw be so much fun!

What is Boba? It's an ancient Japnese word meaning "Another trick to play on Americans now that they're used to Sushi." It also is a very poor nickname for somebody named Roberta, but that's neither here nor there.

In a traditional cup of Boba, you will find marble-sized beads of goo. We are told these are Tapioca. We are also asked not to bring in a geiger counter close to the beads, told it is just a coincidence they come directly from Hiroshima.

The gooey beads lie at the bottom of a cup of strangely sweet milky liquid. Anybody who has worked in a restaurant will recognize this as the exact consistancy of dishwater. Some nutrasweet is thrown in to make it palatable.

When served, the Boba comes in a plastic cup with a hermetically sealed plastic covering. This is because leaving it open violates many OSHA requirements for dealing with waste. The consumer is then given a sharpened straw (no joke) and told to peirce the skin of the plastic covering like one was harpooning a whale for the valuable medicinal blubber it provides.

The straw is not only sharpened, but massive, so as to allow the user to suck up those blobs of uncertain goo at the bottom of the cup. You didn't think they were just going to sit there, did you? No sir, you get to drink those blobs.

Not to get too graphic, but after trying to swallow marble-sized blobs of sticky goo, I have newfound respect for any straight woman I've ever known, and all of the gay men. You do great and difficult things.

Here is where they manage to pull the biggest con on you, though. The boba? The weird milky drink with pearls of goo lining the bottom? It's actually good. It's tasty. You find yourself wanting more the next day.

Soon it'll be as normal to us as sushi. What's next Japan, fried glass shards? And can I get mine to go?

--opus

posted by opus  at 3:29 PM