Perhaps it just needs to be said
I don't like the phrasing, but there is a saying that says "Bros before Hos". I have never once referred to a guy friends as a "Bro" and I am certainly not in the habit of calling women "Hos" but the intention rings true. There are rules, after all. Decorum and ettiquette, even among men.
For example, how's this for a rule: If I invite you, my guy friend, to my own birthday party, and point out a girl that I like, and tell you that I think she's awesome, and then later in that same night make out with said girl... there's a rule that says you should NOT begin dating that girl a few days later. You should particularly not call a week later to explain that you and the girl are in "very serious" relationship. You shouldn't expect this to be okay with me.
Perhaps nobody said it before, so I'm going to now. Unwritten rule #1, finally written down. That is something you should not do. That's seriously not cool.
If you were to do something like that, you'd be making a decision. You'd be saying, in effect, that you value a girl you've just met over your longtime friend. Which is fine, it's your decision to make, but now you have to live with the circumstances. Hope your relationship is particularly fulfilling; it's got to serve as both lover and friend now. You're out one of the latter.
For the man left out, it's a crummy place to be. Not only is the girl you really had your eyes on seeing somebody else, but you also lose a friend in the process. It's a lonely feeling. Want to call up the friend to complain? No dice, he's out boffin' the girl you had eyes on for months. You end up reverting to the same sort of coping techniques you had in high school. Loud-volume cranky music and long periods of uncontrollable moping.
Not that any of these tragic events have happened to me, mind you. No, sir. This is all purely hypothetical. If you'll excuse me, now, I'm going to listen to the Violent Femmes and stare at the ceiling.
posted by opus at
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