It was Oscar night, and hollywood alive with people, buzzing from party to party like tuxedo-clad hummingbirds. One small party was being held right down the way from the Improv Olympic, at a club called Cinespace. It was for the Oscar-nominated documentary "Super Size Me"
As people left the party they'd walk up to a dude standing near a car that was stuffed with bags. Smarmy producer-types and their botoxed arm candy were walking up to the guy and getting these bags that said "Super Sized Shwag Bag" on the side.
I cursed the fact that for the first time in several weeks I wasn't wearing my normal necktie. I had on a nice sweater and button-down shirt, though, so I handed my less-nice Worldwide Pants letterjacket to a friend and strolled right up.
I held out my hand with a bored, disaffected look on my face. The guy eyed me for a moment. "Did you come from in there?" he asked. "Oh, yeah" I said, as if it were a rediculous question. He handed me the bag.
As we walked away I tallied my goodies. Here's what the bag contained:
- A Nike AM/FM Radio
- An Independence Air Model Plane
- One 16.9 oz bottle of Penta H20 Ultra Premium Purified Drinking Water
- A Gift Certificate for one year's membership to Bally's Total Fitness
- A Gift Certificate for one round-trip ticket on Independence Air
- 12 coupons each for one carton of Dreyer's Slow Churned Light Ice Cream
- One large Newcastle beer (given to my friend Jason who likes beer)
- One set of Bath Beads (given to my friend Tiffany who likes baths)
- One keychain that reads "My Big Fat Independent Movie"
- One sticker that reads "I am not normal"
- One Emergen-C Cold & Flu Season Booster Pack
- One bottle of Everglo liquor (vodka, tequila, ginsing and caffeine)
- An X-Men Legends Playstation 2 game
- A DVD of "Red"
- A DVD of "This Girl's Life"
- A DVD of "Faith Rewarded: The Historic Season of the 2004 Boston Red Sox"
- A DVD of "The Ultimate Truth"
- A DVD of "Super Size Me"
I have scammed the man and now I shall enjoy my booty. No, not that kind of booty. Pervert.
posted by opus at
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