Thursday, March 03, 2005

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Scam The Man Part II 

super sized shwag bag
Originally uploaded by opusmo.

Emboldened by my experience on the subway (see below) and a few post-show drinks at the Improv Olympic I moved on to bigger, better prey.

It was Oscar night, and hollywood alive with people, buzzing from party to party like tuxedo-clad hummingbirds. One small party was being held right down the way from the Improv Olympic, at a club called Cinespace. It was for the Oscar-nominated documentary "Super Size Me"

As people left the party they'd walk up to a dude standing near a car that was stuffed with bags. Smarmy producer-types and their botoxed arm candy were walking up to the guy and getting these bags that said "Super Sized Shwag Bag" on the side.

I cursed the fact that for the first time in several weeks I wasn't wearing my normal necktie. I had on a nice sweater and button-down shirt, though, so I handed my less-nice Worldwide Pants letterjacket to a friend and strolled right up.

I held out my hand with a bored, disaffected look on my face. The guy eyed me for a moment. "Did you come from in there?" he asked. "Oh, yeah" I said, as if it were a rediculous question. He handed me the bag.

As we walked away I tallied my goodies. Here's what the bag contained:

- A Nike AM/FM Radio
- An Independence Air Model Plane
- One 16.9 oz bottle of Penta H20 Ultra Premium Purified Drinking Water
- A Gift Certificate for one year's membership to Bally's Total Fitness
- A Gift Certificate for one round-trip ticket on Independence Air
- 12 coupons each for one carton of Dreyer's Slow Churned Light Ice Cream
- One large Newcastle beer (given to my friend Jason who likes beer)
- One set of Bath Beads (given to my friend Tiffany who likes baths)
- One keychain that reads "My Big Fat Independent Movie"
- One sticker that reads "I am not normal"
- One Emergen-C Cold & Flu Season Booster Pack
- One bottle of Everglo liquor (vodka, tequila, ginsing and caffeine)
- An X-Men Legends Playstation 2 game
- A DVD of "Red"
- A DVD of "This Girl's Life"
- A DVD of "Faith Rewarded: The Historic Season of the 2004 Boston Red Sox"
- A DVD of "The Ultimate Truth"
- A DVD of "Super Size Me"

I have scammed the man and now I shall enjoy my booty. No, not that kind of booty. Pervert.

--opus

posted by opus  at 1:27 PM

---

Monday, February 28, 2005

Scam The Man, Part I 

Escalator Shot Two
Originally uploaded by opusmo.

I just moved to a new apartment in Silverlake, one of the selling points of which is its proximity to the embryonic Los Angeles subway system. Being an east-coast boy at heart, the idea of traveling in a urine-smelling tin box hurtling underground at breakneak speeds appeals a great deal to me, so last night I went to give it my innaugural run.

The subway runs on a rediculous "honor system" in which you buy a tickt at a vending machine and then just stroll on the train. There are no ticket booths or security guards, you just have to triple-promise you'll pay.

Well I did my darndest. Three different machines, three different five-dollar bills - all of them summarily spit out. After a few minutes of attempting I said to myself "Screw this, I'm just getting on the train. Nobody will know."

Of course, getting off of the train, I was filled with dread. In front of me were a dozen different metro cops. They were going through the cars of the subway and stopping everybody exiting, making sure they all had tickets. Even the honor system needs some billy-clubs to back it up.

So I positioned myself behind a couple of goth kids going out on the town, kept my earphones in my ears and my eyes forward. I moved ahead, past the cops, and as they were distracted by Captain White Powder Makeup and his sidekick Incredibly Poor Black Hair Dye Job Girl, I walked right out. Free! I had scammed the man and gotten away with it! It must be what a bank robber feels, only in my case I only really got away with a buck twenty-five worth of free train ride. But still.

Coming soon, part two - my tale of low-stakes scamming continues as I get a little peice of Oscar for my own.

--opus

posted by opus  at 12:02 PM

---

Archives

09/21/2003 - 09/27/2003   09/28/2003 - 10/04/2003   10/05/2003 - 10/11/2003   10/12/2003 - 10/18/2003   10/19/2003 - 10/25/2003   10/26/2003 - 11/01/2003   11/02/2003 - 11/08/2003   11/09/2003 - 11/15/2003   11/16/2003 - 11/22/2003   11/23/2003 - 11/29/2003   11/30/2003 - 12/06/2003   12/07/2003 - 12/13/2003   12/14/2003 - 12/20/2003   12/21/2003 - 12/27/2003   12/28/2003 - 01/03/2004   01/04/2004 - 01/10/2004   01/11/2004 - 01/17/2004   01/18/2004 - 01/24/2004   01/25/2004 - 01/31/2004   02/01/2004 - 02/07/2004   02/08/2004 - 02/14/2004   02/15/2004 - 02/21/2004   02/22/2004 - 02/28/2004   02/29/2004 - 03/06/2004   03/07/2004 - 03/13/2004   03/14/2004 - 03/20/2004   03/21/2004 - 03/27/2004   03/28/2004 - 04/03/2004   04/04/2004 - 04/10/2004   04/11/2004 - 04/17/2004   04/25/2004 - 05/01/2004   05/02/2004 - 05/08/2004   05/09/2004 - 05/15/2004   05/23/2004 - 05/29/2004   05/30/2004 - 06/05/2004   06/06/2004 - 06/12/2004   06/13/2004 - 06/19/2004   06/20/2004 - 06/26/2004   06/27/2004 - 07/03/2004   07/04/2004 - 07/10/2004   07/11/2004 - 07/17/2004   07/25/2004 - 07/31/2004   08/01/2004 - 08/07/2004   08/08/2004 - 08/14/2004   08/15/2004 - 08/21/2004   08/22/2004 - 08/28/2004   08/29/2004 - 09/04/2004   09/12/2004 - 09/18/2004   09/19/2004 - 09/25/2004   09/26/2004 - 10/02/2004   10/03/2004 - 10/09/2004   10/10/2004 - 10/16/2004   10/17/2004 - 10/23/2004   10/24/2004 - 10/30/2004   10/31/2004 - 11/06/2004   11/07/2004 - 11/13/2004   11/14/2004 - 11/20/2004   11/21/2004 - 11/27/2004   12/05/2004 - 12/11/2004   12/19/2004 - 12/25/2004   01/09/2005 - 01/15/2005   01/30/2005 - 02/05/2005   02/06/2005 - 02/12/2005   02/13/2005 - 02/19/2005   02/20/2005 - 02/26/2005   02/27/2005 - 03/05/2005   03/06/2005 - 03/12/2005   03/13/2005 - 03/19/2005   03/20/2005 - 03/26/2005   04/03/2005 - 04/09/2005