I now work at MTV, a cable channel allegedly devoted to music television, but more accurately devoted to reality dating shows. I was shocked when I first came into the office to discover the alleged art on the walls consisted of photographs of musicians mounted on what appeared to be some sort of industrial metal grating. 
Obviously somebody had simply combed through the archive of photos from past Video Music Awards and just picked some celebrities willy-nilly. They seemed rather random: Sure, Mick Jagger obviously belongs there, and I can even understand why they might pick somebody like Gwen Stefani. But The Guy From Sugar Ray? Billy Idol? And that's not counting several people I couldn't even recognize. One of them was wearing a cowboy hat. 
So I figured if the bar was so low, I might just cut in on the action. I noticed a blank space in one of the peices and realized my destiny was to hang on MTV's walls. 
I found a photo of myself singing Karaoke (in a smoking jacket, no less), fiddled with the color balance a bit, and sprayglued the result onto a peice of matching black posterboard. Now the most difficult part: I had to get to work early to stick it on the wall. Was this really worth it? 
You tell me. It's been two weeks now, and nobody's noticed that Alanis Morisette, George Clinton, and Johnny Rotten have a new rock star buddy hanging out with them. Now, when do I get my MTV Music Award?
posted by opus at
5:38 PM
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