The Shirt Off My Back

And, so, once again I am thrust into the warm and bizzarre arms of Boston's society of derelicts.

I speak, of course, of the homeless, the beggers, and the people on the street. My compassion does not let me pass them by too readily, I'm always willing to give them a kind word, although rarely any money from my tight budget.

Case in point: I was returning from a trip to Connecticut via the greyhound bus: the mode of transportation prefered by poor people 5 to 1. And I was heading down the stairs into the subway station when I noticed a poor blind guy literally running himself into a corner. He was asking, in a pained voice, "Where's the subway? Where's the subway? Somebody help me get to the subway!" and the tourists were passing him by without even a look.

Of course, I could not let this moment pass me by. I walked up to Blind Guy and told him that he'd have to turn around and walk straight, then turn left down a set of stairs to get to the subway. He latched onto my arm and said, "Can you take me there? I'll get you on for free as my sight guide if you get me to the subway!"

In me there are two competing forces. The half of me which is a bleeding heart liberal character, wanting to help those less fortunate, and the half of me which loves what precious money I have. And Blind Guy was hitting on them both. I could not refuse.

Although, probably, I should have. Blind Guy was not just any blind guy. I did notice right away he was Shirtless Blind Guy. And when I got closer I got a good whiff that he was, in fact, Drunken Shirtless Blind Guy. But the station was a 45 second's walk away, what could happen?

We started off, and Drunken Shirtless Blind Guy asks me for a cigarette. I tell him plainly that I do not smoke, and don't mention that smoking is illegal in the subway station. He tells me, "I've got a lighter, I'll give you the lighter if you give me a cigarette." I apologize for not having any cigarettes.

Silence follows. Walking with a Drunken Shirtless Blind Guy is slow business, I'm realizing, and I have very little to talk about. But DSBG fills the silence readily. "Hey, can I buy that shirt off of you?" he asks.

"Excuse me?" I say.

"I'll give you two bucks for that shirt, man. I really need a shirt."

"I sorta need this shirt. I'm going straight to work." I lied. I was going home and had a suitcase in my other hand filled with shirts. I began to feel guilty.

"You got a cigarette man?" he said again.

"Um.. nope... still don't smoke."

Silence.We passed through the gates to the subway station. I did, indeed, get in for free.

"Hey, where do all of the gay guys hang around here? I need a good, cheap blowjob."

I stuttered... "Um... I.... I dunno... I don't think I can help you with that one..."

Silence. I feel the sweat of DSBGs hand going through the sleeve of my shirt.

"Is this the orange line?"

"No, no, this is the red line, actually."

"I need to get to the orange line."

I told him plainly how to get there. He asked me to take him there. "Just bring me around for the day, man. I'll give you two bucks." Two bucks seemed to be the going rate for Drunken Shirtless Blind Guy.

"Sorry, I've got to get to work." I'm lying. He knows I'm lying, doesn't he?

"Can I buy that shirt off of you?"

"No, sorry, I need my shirt."

"You got a cigarette?"

We were on the platform now. He asked me twice more for a cigarette. He again asked me to be his guide for the day. He still had a firm, sweaty grasp on my left arm. I was focusing all of my psychic energies on making a train come. Fast.

Finally, one came. Exhale. I got him on, and into a seat, and backed away. He grabbed at the person next to him and asked for a cigarette. The person next to him happened to be a 8 year old girl, who screamed and jumped in her mother's lap. He only had one stop to take, for the next was where he could change to the orange line.

The last I saw of Drunken Shirtless Blind Guy was him wandering towards the exit, calling out, "How do I get to the orange line? Will somebody help me?"

I hope somebody helped him, and that person was able to give him cigarettes, a shirt, and a blowjob for two bucks. As for me, I used the rest of my free sight guide subway ride home, feeling I earned the 85 cents I saved quite well.