Admirers

 

I.

You wanted to ride in a seperate car

than the rest of our friends

because, you said, you wanted to run lines

you'd be on stage soon

starring in the school play

 

you didn't want me to tell you what night I'd be coming

so that you wouldn't be nervous

 

I took it is a good sign

blew it out of proportion in my mind

as only a foolishly romantic boy can do

 

on the way to the concert

we didn't run lines at all

and talked everything we could think of

and more

like old friends.

 

II.

It was raining

and you parked a few blocks away

so you pulled out the umbrella

to walk us dry

but when I held the umbrella

at my altitude

the rain slanted in to hit your face

so you grabbed the handle

and titled it down

 

i couldn't see with it like that

but your hand was wrapped around mine

so i let you lead me blind

to the show

 

III.

Before the show

we stood on the stairs

and looked down at the crowded lobby

smoky and choked with girls

whose outfits screamed their womanhood

and we liked that

 

IV.

We both watched her

with the same intensity

with the same sort of desire

towards the writhing piano player

but you didn't notice

that, often,

i'd be watching you

and the feelings wouldn't change

 

i thought to myself

well, tori's straight

so, in theory,

i have a chance with her

 

it didn't make me feel much better

 

V.

afterwards

at the diner

beneath the table

suddenly

we're holding hands

and for a breif moment

i can beleive that we're a couple

that you love me back

that everything is normal and fine

until you pull away

scootch down the booth towards the window

and smoke your cigarette

purposefully blowing the smoke

away from my face

it's as close as we'll get

 

VI.

A few weeks later

during the school play

i don't tell you i'm there

and you shine

the crowd applauds for longer than you know how to deal with

and I feel the same way

of course

but now i'm just in a crowd of admirers

and you can't hear me

in the crowd