Video Game Review: Tomb Raider II: Lara Croft's Adventures

The newest Tomb Raider game wins high scores in my book, all around. The grpahics are excellent, the music catchy, and Lara Croft's breasts are perkier than ever.

The non-stop action leads you from level to level, following the perky behind of our hero, Lara Croft. She is both strong and sexy as she easily travails the many obstacles that come in her way. And unlike many of the other women I've come in contact with, Lara will not run away when you approach her.

When I'm home alone, in my room, playing this game, I can almost beleive that she's in the room with me. "Hurry, Wayne," she whispers in my ear, "we must get to level three!" I know, Lara. I know.

We rush, hand in hand, past tigers and up perilous cliffs. My sweet Lara spots a chasm in from of us. Her lithe and muscular polygonal body clears it with no problem. I'm not so sure I can make it, Lara," I say. "Do it, Wayne," lara says, "I'll catch you."

I bite my lip and rush to the edge, clearing the chasm and landing in Lara's arm. My face is inches from hers and we gaze into each other's eyes. I lean closer. We kiss... she tastes like honey.

Immediately, we tear at each other's clothing. Our animal needs can only be satisfied by each other's sweet sex. Our passions merge, our bodies in harmony, getting closer, in rhythm, reaching a simulatious, heavenly peak.

"Dude," my roomate says, coming into the room, "are you whackin' off to that video game again? You are seriously fucked up, dude."

They will never understand out love, Lara.