Toy Assembly Instructions
1. Read all instructions completely before beginning.
2. Check all parts before beginging.
3. Take main fuselage parts (a) and (b) and attach at clips.
4. No. Look, you're not even doing it right. The little clips at the end line up.
5. I don't know why you insist on going ahead without reading the instructions. You're just going to screw something up.
6. No, no, you can't put in the wings yet. You have to put the lights on first.
7. Jesus Christ, you're stupid.
8. Way to ruin Christmas, Dad.
9. See. You know you screwed up now.
10. What are you going to do? Finally read the instructions? It's about time.
11. Okay, wait, where are you going?
12. What the hell is that? A hammer?
13. The package says "no additional tools required!"
14. Okay, look, you're just going to break something.
15. That doesn't belong there.
16. Hitting it isn't going to help! Is that your rule for all of your parenting?
17. Oh! Man, did that get in your eye?
18. Whoa. Yeah, I guess it did.
19. I didn't know eyeballs had blood. I figured they were filled with puss or something.
20. No, that's definitely blood.
21. Don't take it out on the toy! It's your own stupid fault.
22. Just get to the hospital. Come on now.
23. Okay, fine, look, I can understand you are angry, but don't throw the toy away.
24. Okay, throw the toy away, but don't throw me away.
25. Great. We're in the garbage now. Life is so freakin' unfair.
26. What else is in here? Just some bloody kleenexes.
27. Sigh.
28. We only wanted to be loved.